Out of all the rockers we’ve lost over the years, I always feel so haunted whenever I see Kurt Cobain in videos. I’m not really sure why but it really makes me stop and think about how much the world has changed. It could have something do with his death happening when I was so young so I really don’t have an authentic memory of watching Nirvana while he was still alive.
He was such a beautiful man and while debate still stirs on the true cause of his death, the fact of the matter is that we’ll never know what really happened. I remember being so bothered by his death when I started reading about it on the internet. It was my first view into the world of drug addiction and death at a young age.
Sometimes I think he might have saved me. One morning I was watching Unsolved Mysteries which had a segment on his death. I don’t remember what made me watch it at that time but later on I had a panic attack at school. I never experienced one before and I thought my heart was going to stop, it scared the heck out of me. Everyone assumed it was because of watching that segment. I went to the doctor and found out I had high blood pressure and had to get surgery on my right kidney. It never fully developed and was the cause of it so it needed to be shut off. I sometimes believe that if I hadn’t of watched that segment, I might not have caught my blood pressure as early as I did.
Heart Shaped Box was released on August 23, 1993 (Ironically, River Phoenix’s last birthday since I’m on the topic) from the album In Utero. There are so many different intrepretations of this song so I’ll let you create your own. But I always think about the heart shaped box Kurt took a photo of that was placed on aluminum foil surrounded by flower petals. I’ve always wanted to create that because it was so pretty.